Kevzin's Blog

What I'm looking for
8th June 2006
By Kevzin

I am an old soul, and i have been playing this earth game since nearly the beginning. it never gets boring, just more and more familiar. unfortunately, I am isolated in my stupid self-proclaimed sagedom, and I have yet to come across another creature of the same breed as myself.

As if being a gay man doesnt make coupling complicated enough, with all the social stigma and the having to seek out gay people amidst a straight culture. as if it werent difficult for me that gay culture includes almost nothing that has ever caught my interest, other than john waters and that gay brand of sexual dysfunction. AND like ill ever come across another homo who gets excited about the kinds of obscure, ridiculous punk rock that I like to listen to, which happens to be one of my great passions. not to mention who the fuck can keep up with my erratic philosophies and cryptic rants?

So Ive settled with a comfortable silence in my own voice that tells us all we arent complete unless we have found a mate. if there is a match for me out there, im sure only the most ludicrous of situations could bring our paths to cross. and since my life has been more than ludicrous, to say the least, I would not bet against that happening. I am tired of the endless search. it is futile.

and I have alot to offer. I love harder than anyone youll ever meet. when I fuck you I can look into your eyes and we are the only people in the universe at that moment. my overactive mind is driven to learn about you and understand your cutest, dorkiest personality quirks, and love them. when my affection is focused on you, you will feel solid gold. I will do everything I can to protect you from anything that finds its assault on you in this harsh world. I desire with my entire soul to see you feel happy, and to enjoy evolving with you as a human being across your fantastic life.

but Im tired of settling with people who just arent quite as brilliant as I am. Im tired of being in a relationship with someone who listens to boring standard issue gay music and partakes in boring standard issue gay entertainment, or even worse- someone who is ashamed of their gayness and finds social safety in their "straight-acting" behaviour, clinging to butchness like it could possibly save them from their fathers disapproval. i want a partner who is off the chart like me. someone who gets stoked about underground cultures and ideas. someone who is positive but has enough faith in his ability to function to understand that he is not terminally ill. someone who knows the secret comfort in facial scruff. someone who has lived laughing in the face of fear, embracing all the weirdness that is our weird gay lives without regret. someone who knows who he is and enjoys being himself.

and if I cant have someone like that, well I am just god damn happy to be here anyway, doing my silly dance on this amazing planet. so fuck it. you dont search for mr right when you come from outer space. yup, you create the ultimate mr right simulating machine- robo*lover- whom you can easily program to live up to all your unreasonable expectations. that way there is no disappointment and when you get what you wanted only to find that its not what you need, you can quickly reprogram him into a better, more efficient lover.

robo*lover by gadgetron. satiating needy bitches since the year 2004.

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