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As 2009 came to a close, I decided to step back and look at the differences in my life from 365 days ago. No matter how big or subtle, they were documented and given due attention. I realized one major difference before I wrote the first words in my notebook. Last year at this time, I would have looked at the major differences and ignored the smaller, but equally important changes that may have led to these significant moments. For years I had looked at situations in my life I thought were significant (good or bad) and frequently found myself at a loss to identify the moments or behaviors that led to those outcomes. Cause and effect was a concept I was aware of, but unable to apply to my own life experiences.
For 45 minutes, I brainstormed about things I believed to be different from 2008 to 2009 and the reasons I believed that. I stopped writing and took a break. When I went back to read what I had scribbled down, the first thought that struck me was how brutally honest I was about my life. How often do you get the chance to let out your thoughts and feelings without causing anyone pain? Here I was able to let loose every horrible, hurtful, bias, irrational thought inside me and no one got hurt (physically or emotionally) in the process. How many problems did I solve in that time simply because I was allowed to express both my rational and irrational feelings without being criticized? Even though we have a right to our opinions, we may still be negatively labeled for them.
These same thoughts I had written randomly only an hour earlier had rearranged themselves into an understandable, progressive series of important events. Had I not let my mind purge itself there is little chance I would have been able to see the calm amongst the chaos. Brainstorming has become a necessary part of my personal, professional and shared life. I am more regimented, less distracted, more effective/efficient, less anxious, more self reliant and less confused than I was a year ago.
I know I have rambled on about things you may not find particularly interested or pertinent on a gay porn blogsite but I feel the underlying message is universal. Things are not the same as they were a year ago. Whether the change was good or bad you can’t alter the result, but you can look at what you can do now to get to where you want to be. Was getting laid off life’s way of telling you it’s time to start that business you always wanted. The current economy is going to be rebuilt by small business in every industry and yours could be a part of that. I know it sucks getting laid off, losing clients (income), and being overwhelmed by debts and bills. The personal training business I had a year ago was different than it is now. I work four jobs and seven days a week. Maybe none of those jobs will turn into a new career, but I have the chance to do them all now to see what the outcome is.
2010 is going to bring a whole new list of challenges and opportunities for all. For some it may be a year of continued hardship while others are going to thrive and prosper both personally and professionally. Making goals for the year isn’t a bad idea just because things are uncertain; it’s a better idea because it allows you to see what is under your control and what isn’t. There will always be things that happen on this earth that defy explanation and sadly those are usually the things that impact us the most. An event that was an anomaly may elicit a reaction that is hindering growth. This applies to any situation in any person’s life.
Let’s say you have been trying to lose 60 pounds by a certain deadline. That is a great goal, and achieving it will have a positive impact on more than just your physical appearance. When you made that goal, did you think about anything other than the physical transformation? Did you look up what a healthy weight loss goal is per week? Did you incorporate other health/financial benefits that accompany your primary goal? Did you look at the whole weight loss goal as a lifestyle change and not just a number that needs to be met? Did you decide what activity, eating plan, or support group you may want to take part in so you are held accountable for your progress? Did you consider the financial investment your goal would require? Are you aware of what you may have to give up in order to lose 60 pounds and are you realistically willing to give those things up?
This list could go on and on. Day after day, my clients run into this issue. They haven’t thought about the changes in drinking, sleeping, eating and spending habits that are essential to success. Once we start listing the day-to-day behaviors that must be modified, along with their workouts, they lose interest. I tell them to give me an example of one goal they have achieved that has required only one commitment from one part of their lives. Not a single person can give a satisfactory answer that isn’t bullshit.
We need to start looking at each thing in our lives as a personal extension of ourselves that the world gets to see, learn from and be inspired by. No one thing in our lives stands alone or affects only us. By starting your dream business, you will not only make money doing what you love, you may be helping to provide jobs. The enjoyment you get out of starting your own company may inspire others or may turn into a mutually beneficial partnership that ends up being more successful and fulfilling than you expected. Filing for bankruptcy or losing personal property may be the event that changes your relationship with money. Living beyond your means isn’t glamorous when you have to deal with the embarrassment of losing your possessions and still have to pay the creditors.
Breaking up with a long-term partner can be hard to bounce back from. The sadness and negative emotions can be overwhelming. Wounds from a broken heart can last a long time, especially if the relationship ends badly. The desire to feel better can lead to damaging habits like excessive drinking, drug use, promiscuous sexual activity and more. The one thing you shouldn’t run from, though, is the sadness. Wouldn’t it be sadder if the relationship ended and you felt nothing? Embracing the hardships in relationships is just as important as embracing the joy. If you don’t have one, how do you properly appreciate the other?
This coming year is all about the changes we choose to make and what we decide to do about every situation and opportunity life presents us with. Don’t get me wrong; I feel the same pressures you do and don’t always make lemonade when life chucks lemons at my groin. I have my freak-outs just like everyone else. My choice for the future is to change the behaviors I have identified as being harmful to my life and replace them with behaviors that have proved successful thus far, or try new ones that may pay off. Either way, I won’t be the same guy in 2011 that I was in 2010. I am going to brainstorm until life makes more sense than it did the day, week or month before. That’s my challenge to you as well. What’s your choice going to be?
January 2010
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